[Opening]
[Nylon guitar, badly recorded]
[Room noise]
[Voice very close]
I don’t wanna explain it.
Because when I explain it...
I make myself sound better.
[Metal door hit]
CLANG.
[Silence]
[Verse]
I knew what I was doing.
Not all of it.
But enough.
That’s worse.
Because if I say:
“I didn’t know”—
that’s not true.
I knew
you were getting tired.
I knew
I was pushing.
I knew
when you stopped answering
the same way.
I noticed.
I just kept going.
[Breath]
That’s the part
I don’t like saying.
[Cello drone enters]
You asked:
“Why are you doing this?”
I said:
“I don’t know.”
I did.
I wanted you
to prove
you wouldn’t leave.
So I made leaving
the easiest thing
you could do.
[Long silence]
That’s sick.
Not dramatic.
Just...
sick.
[Metal hit]
CLANG.
[Beat tries to enter, then stops]
[Voice]
No.
Not yet.
[Verse 2]
I used your patience
like it had no end.
Like because
you forgave me once
you would forgive
everything.
I kept moving the line.
Then acting shocked
when you finally said:
“Enough.”
I remember
your face.
Not angry.
Empty.
I wanted you
to yell.
I wanted a fight.
Anything
that still meant
you cared enough
to stay in the room.
But you didn’t.
You just said:
“I’m tired.”
[Breath catches]
I hated you
for saying that calmly.
[Small pause]
Because calm
made it real.
[Hi-hats begin softly]
t-t-t-t-t
[Voice faster, unstable]
And then I did
what I always do.
Called somebody.
Made you sound cruel.
Left out
what I did first.
Left out
what I said.
Left out
how many times
you warned me.
Left out
how I laughed
when you were serious.
Left out
how I went cold
when you cried.
[Voice cracks]
Left out—
[Silence]
me.
[808 suddenly slams]
[Explosion]
I LEFT ME OUT!
I LEFT ME OUT
OF EVERY FUCKING STORY!
MADE YOU THE MONSTER!
MADE ME THE WOUND!
MADE EVERYTHING SIMPLE
SO I COULD SLEEP!
[Distorted guitar]
I SAID:
“YOU CHANGED!”
NO!
YOU STOPPED
TAKING IT!
THAT’S NOT THE SAME!
[Drums choke out]
[Breathing]
[Voice hoarse]
That’s not the same.
[No beat]
[Cello drone only]
I don’t miss
who we were.
I miss...
[Long pause]
I don’t know.
I miss having
somebody
who knew
when I was lying
and stayed anyway.
Maybe that’s not love.
Maybe I just miss
being tolerated.
[Metal door]
CLANG.
[Voice]
Fuck.
That sounded ugly.
Leave it.
[Final section]
I keep wanting
to call you.
Not to get you back.
Not exactly.
I want to hear
if your voice
still changes
when you hear mine.
That’s selfish.
I know.
I want proof
I still exist
somewhere in you.
Even if
it’s the bad part.
[Sub-bass rises]
And that might be
the worst thing
I’ve said tonight.
Because if you’re healing...
I shouldn’t need
to be part of it.
[Voice trembles]
I shouldn’t need you
to still hurt
just so I know
I mattered.
[Short scream]
I KNOW!
[Everything explodes for one bar]
I KNOW!
[Everything cuts]
[Silence]
[Voice whispering]
I know.
[Outro]
[Nylon guitar alone]
Maybe that’s why
I don’t call.
Not because
I’m stronger.
[Breath]
Because for once...
I don’t want
my loneliness
to become
your problem again.
[Metal door closes softly]
[Silence]
