[Cold Open]
[Floor tom]
BUM.
[Distorted guitar]
DUN-DUN—
[High harmonic squeal]
EEEE!
[DEAD SILENCE]
[Voice]
I checked.
There’s nothing under the bed.
That’s worse.
[Full band crashes in]
[Verse 1]
There’s a shirt
on the lampshade.
Don’t remember
putting it there.
There’s a spoon
in my jacket.
There’s a jacket
on the stairs.
The sink keeps dripping
like it knows
something I don’t.
Three in the morning.
I tell it:
“Either say it
or shut up.”
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Smartass.
I open the fridge.
Nothing interesting.
Close it.
Open it again
like food might
develop a personality.
Still nothing.
Good.
At least something
in this room
is consistent.
[Pre-Chorus]
I used to be scared
of monsters
under the bed.
Now I’m older.
[Small pause]
I miss the simplicity.
[Signature riff]
DUN-DUN—
EEEE!
[DEAD SILENCE]
[Chorus]
THERE’S NOTHING
UNDER THE BED!
NOTHING
INSIDE THE WALLS!
NO GHOST
IN THE HALLWAY!
NO DEMON
MAKING THE CALLS!
SO WHY DO I WAKE UP
LIKE SOMEBODY
SCREAMED MY NAME?
IF THERE’S NOTHING
UNDER THE BED...
THEN I GUESS
IT’S JUST MY BRAIN!
[Guitar feedback]
[Verse 2]
My neighbor
starts his car
every morning
at six twelve.
Never six eleven.
Never six thirteen.
Six twelve.
I hate him
for being that reliable.
My phone says
I slept
seven hours.
Liar.
My body
was technically present.
That’s different.
I make coffee
strong enough
to dissolve a coin.
Don’t worry.
I’m not putting
a coin in it.
I’m tired.
Not stupid.
Mostly.
Then somebody asks:
“How you doing?”
And muscle memory says:
“Good.”
Before my brain
even gets
a vote.
[Pre-Chorus]
Maybe that’s adulthood.
Answering automatically
while something
in the background
chews through a cable.
[Signature riff]
DUN-DUN—
EEEE!
[DEAD SILENCE]
[Chorus]
THERE’S NOTHING
UNDER THE BED!
NOTHING
INSIDE THE WALLS!
NO GHOST
IN THE HALLWAY!
NO DEMON
MAKING THE CALLS!
SO WHY DO I WAKE UP
LIKE SOMEBODY
SCREAMED MY NAME?
IF THERE’S NOTHING
UNDER THE BED...
THEN I GUESS
IT’S JUST MY BRAIN!
[Break]
[Everything drops except bass]
[Voice, dry]
I bought new pillows.
Didn't help.
Moved the bed.
Didn't help.
Changed the room.
Didn't help.
[Floor tom]
BUM.
[Voice]
Starting to notice
a pattern.
[Guitar erupts]
[Final Chorus]
THERE’S NOTHING
UNDER THE BED!
[Whispered backing voice]
Nothing there...
[Lead]
NOTHING
INSIDE THE WALLS!
[Whisper]
Still awake...
[Lead]
NO MONSTER
IN THE CLOSET!
SO I CAN’T BLAME
THIS ON GOD!
OR GHOSTS!
OR BAD LUCK!
OR SOMETHING
WITH CLAWS!
[Band almost collapses]
MAYBE I’M JUST
A LITTLE TOO GOOD
AT TURNING
SMALL THOUGHTS
INTO
VERY
LOUD
ONES!
[Signature riff]
DUN-DUN—
EEEEEEEE!
[DEAD SILENCE]
[Outro]
[Voice]
I checked again.
Still nothing.
...
Rude.
